


The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal

by Harleen



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post Season 2, mention of Wick, rbficexchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 20:37:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4639368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harleen/pseuds/Harleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set some time after season two. </p><p>How Bellamy can't escape the nightmares, unable to cope with Mount Weather and how Raven's there to help, in her own unique way.</p><p>A mix of :<br/>Prompt 1: a parallel to a previous scene/conversation in the show<br/>Prompt 4: how bellamy reacts to raven’s brace/disability</p>
            </blockquote>





	The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal

**Author's Note:**

> For [ ravensbrows ](http://ravensbrows.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> This is the first thing I've ever written, finished and posted in english ... don't hesitate to tell me what you think of it :)
> 
> Thank you so much [ Kels ](http://coldneverbothersdragons.tumblr.com/) for helping me out :)  
> I'm [ ravenreyesart ](http://ravenreyesart.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.  
> 

He’s got another headache; it seems that since Mount Weather they keep on haunting him. Just like those dreams. The kids...so many kids died. Was it really worth it? He isn’t that sure anymore. But then he remembers that moment when Octavia was surrounded by the Mountain Men. They were gonna kill her. Or worse... His mind switches to the bone marrow extracted from his friends...from Raven. That sight horrified him. It’s still imprinted on his mind. Just like when she was shot because of him and there was nothing he could do. _« Is that Raven ?! »_ The panic flows through his veins as he wakes up in the middle of the night, terrified. He tries to breathe normally, but that’s quite impossible at the moment. He shakes his head in a failed attempt to ignore his erratic heartbeats. He needs to flee, just like Clarke did. But he can’t. How are the others gonna rely on him if he’s still having panic attacks regarding Mount Weather ? He leaves his tent, in need of fresh air. Surely he’s not the only one being haunted by the memories…they all are. It’s not unusual to hear screams in the middle of the night, coming from one tent or another.

They aren’t officially allowed to leave the camp at night; not since Commander Lexa’s betrayal. Everybody was outraged but it’s not as if he blamed her. Don’t get him wrong, he probably wouldn’t have done it : he’s usually a man of his word. But he has to admit it was the logical thing to do. Cold, but logical. Save his own people first. After all, that’s what he and Clarke had done back in the Mountain. Sometimes life isn’t just black or white…sometimes there’s grey. And since they landed, they were living in some grey area he wasn’t quite able to define. All he knew was that being on the ground was more about surviving than actually living. All his life, even on the Ark, had been about surviving. 

He only felt alive thanks to O. Knowing that she was okay. The fact that she was able to take care of herself was as reassuring as it was terrifying. He spent all his life worrying about her… she was his everything. He leaned against a tree, still standing on his feet. Actually, there was someone else that made him feel more alive than he had been these past couple of years. Raven. That night with her was what living really meant. And yet he was still trying to look like he didn’t care about anything or anyone but himself. She had come for him. The deal was simple, and they both agreed. So why keep wondering about it right now ? Why was he still asking himself which reasons led her to leave that morning ? He didn’t help her the way she needed to be helped. That’s his only regret about that night. Why keep on trying to figure out ‘what ifs’ ? Torture, probably. He’s torturing himself. 

She’s been around Wick a lot, lately. Or is it the other way around ? He doesn’t know. His sight is too clouded and all he’s able to think is that the guy is an asshole. That he doesn’t deserve her. Not that she’s some possession to be owned…she’s a human being. A perfect, stubborn human being. Does she even realize how precious she is? He asks himself that, when he sees the two of them together. But of course she does. She’s probably just confused, at the moment. That’s how he explains it to himself. She’s coping with everything...figuring things out. Everything has been happening too fast since Finn’s execution. And Wick is a mistake. Raven will realize it soon enough. In fact, she already knows it. She is smart, and doesn’t have to rely on anyone to be alright. She isn’t the romantic kind you see... That’s not what she needs and Bellamy knows it better than anyone. They are more similar than he’d like to admit. What she needs right now is a friend. Just like she needed his body that night in the tent. And hell he needed her... But she just lost her only family. So yeah putting her under pressure probably isn’t the best way to deal with her. That’s why he didn’t argue when she refused the nomination to be their leader. Because he cares and mostly because he understands.

He’s taken away from his thoughts when he hears something clicking in the darkness. Someone’s walking in his direction. The shadow isn’t heavy, but has something metallic on it. He knows it’s her without even looking in her direction. The sound has hunted him since she was shot. Because of him, she almost lost her life. That’s his fault, not anyone else’s. And the fact that he couldn’t punish Murphy well enough is still bitter for him. Seeing her limping like this makes him want to scream until he stops breathing. What he would give to change places, to give her his healthy leg… She’s strong, and doesn’t really complain, but he knows she hurts. He has seen her hiding the pain. He wishes he could tell her how sorry he is. But he knows she won’t take it. He was there when she went through surgery without any painkillers. He waited outside the tent, praying some god he didn’t believe in to save her life. 

For a minute, he wishes that she doesn’t see him. Which is dumb, since he misses her. **«Hey !»** Of course it wouldn’t work. He looks at her and makes a slight movement with his head. He doesn’t smile; he doesn’t say anything. Still trying to look like the guy who doesn’t care about anything or anyone. They both know it’s an act but he’s too stubborn to admit it. And tonight he needs to feel like he’s got some control over the situation. She looks at him closely as he doesn’t reply, and gets closer to him. **« Moody are we ? »** Her voice sounds amused, which doesn’t help him to relax. He shakes his head. The headache hasn’t left and he’s stuck with images of her and the asshole together. **« What does a girl have to do to get your attention ? Get naked in front of you ? »** _Cute._ Now she’s clearly reminding him of that night in the tent. How she took off her shirt because she was angry and he wouldn’t cooperate at first. To show him how serious she was. How his eyes got stuck on her chest and how he couldn’t look away, not with her breasts and her determined look. How she challenged him and he made sure that she was doing it willingly. Because he wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want. 

He rubs his temples, closing his eyes for a moment, and asks bitterly: **« Aren’t you with Wick ? »** She raises an eyebrow while looking directly into his eyes. She has that ability to look right through your soul that always surprises him. He realizes how stupid he is and immediately regrets what he said. He just won’t take it back. He’s too proud… Childish even. **« Does it matter? »** Her eyes look like they are on fire but that’s how they always are, anyway. And the question sounds almost challenging. As if she dared him to answer what she won’t tolerate. He knows it and won’t lose her over his stupidity. So he just looks at her and shakes his head. **«I’m not anyone’s judge, and you know it. »** That seems to calm them both down. Of course she knows. And there’s nothing to judge. She’s allowed to do anything she wants, just like he is. And he respects her for that. 

She relaxes a bit; almost giving him smiles. **« He thinks I am. »** she says harshly. So they aren’t anything. That’s a relief, oddly enough. **«I’ve already tried to get that idea out of his mind.»** Bellamy doesn’t get how the guy can stay in such denial of reality. He probably doesn’t know her as he claims to. Raven always tells the truth. Not that she is innocent but she always has been direct. Whether you like it or not, she always says what’s on her mind. **« He doesn’t seem to be able to listen to me, though. … and it’s his problem. »** She doesn’t care. Not anymore. She has other things to deal with than with the engineer’s fantasies. She told him what needed to be told and won’t be shamed over it. It was a one night stand, along with friendship. And since he compromised it with this crazy idea that they are something more than just friends, she won’t bother to try and save it.

She sighs and gets even closer. They won’t be talking about it anymore; they both know it. And he can’t seem to concentrate now, torn between his headache and the fact that she’s so close to him. It’s only odd because he realizes how much he craves her touch; how he needs her to be around. On the other hand he guesses she’s never been uncomfortable around others, always so intense and truthful. He bites his lower lip and takes a look at her … and this time he really looks at Raven. He doesn’t need to speak, for she can read right through his eyes. She takes his hand, with no rush. **« Come. »** He follows her to her tent and the world around them could collapse that he wouldn’t give a damn. He is too busy complying with whatever she might ask of him. The confrontation begins with a passionate yet clumsy kiss (they are still trying to get used to the imbalance provoked by the brace…and _hell no Bellamy don’t you dare touch that !_ ) and ends with the two of them falling apart on the bunk with exhaustion. 

The next morning, as he leaves the tent, he can’t erase the smile on his face. For a moment, he doesn’t have this mask of seriousness stuck on his face. **« I can make it go boom. »** Her voice is still clear in his head. Hell yeah, she can. She said it in a promising voice. But she wasn’t talking about any bomb…not last night. A little bird could say she was talking about them, together. Again.


End file.
